a fun little song

heres my blog



isnt it fun



now the blog is over

bored

So it has been a pretty busy few weeks as usual. I moved out of my house and in with Riley and his grandma. After many many long lectures and a lot of thinking I moved out and back to my house. I also got a card from Sara :] with a picture too! That is the first card I have gotten since I was like 16. I will post a picture of them later.

This morning has been pretty fun too. I heard the twins babbling to each other and giggling away (I wonder what was so funny), I opened the door to take a picture of them. Owen gave me a silly look and I turned to get a picture of Bella and she was giving me the SAME LOOK! I thought it was funny!!..

Bella has taken to "Reading" and looking at books, she points to objects in the books and babbles like she knows what she is talking about. my little smarty pants...I think she will be like me when it comes to school.

The inside Diva's are doing great. So far healthy and gaining weight! wooo hooo

I also got a new new phone!! I love it! It is sooo adorable!

random pics

new notebook for book

www.heart4home.net/downloads/decorated_spiral_notebook_pdf

Natalie's 21st Birthday

Yesterday, August 20th, was a pretty rough day for me. Gosh I havent even finished my first sentence and I am already tearing up. Natalie would have been 21 yesterday. I know suicide is never the answer. Natalie couldn't see how much she was loved. I am mad at myself that I obviously didn't do a good enough job telling her how much I loved her, how great of a friend she was and that I needed her. It really really hurts that she is not here. She was never afraid to speak her mind, or just say what ever she felt like saying and not give a shit. and she could smoke like no other LMAO!!!!!! neaverly every day we would get blazed before school. Every time we got blazed...when we got to school..we would run around and look for Carolyn...and she was always in the same spot!!...but each and every time..we would ask everyone "Where is Carolyn?". We were so funny too. When we saw her we would run up to Carolyn give her a big hug and then just stared at her. The looks we would give her always told her that we were up to no good. and I swear the conversation NEVER changed....

Carolyn: You two are baked arent you?

Natalie and I would nod with hug smiles

Carolyn would say to Natalie: Where is Melissa?

Natalie would get a puzzled look on her face: I dont know (even though I was RIGHT next to her)

Melissa: I am right here...dude you are sooo fucked up

Natalie laughed this deep belly laugh, then would look right and Natalie would say: CAROLYN, We have been looking everywhere for you!!!

Then Natalie would grab me by my hand and we would race to the cafeteria to get food before class...loser had to buy...it was hard becuase we both were in track and cross country

LOL.....I dont think that conversation ever changed...I miss that convo :[....I thought of the last time we did that a lot yesterday. She made me laugh SO hard that day

It was our morning routine. After she died and after I was out of the hospital.. I caught myself waiting for her by the front doors many times. Only to remember she wasnt going to show up. The first couple times Carolyn would come up to me and give me a hug. I laughed it off and said "duh" Then walk away without saying anything else. Carolyn and I had many indepth talks in the girls bathroom. She missed us looking for her, and having a billion people tell her that we were trying to find her. I miss her too.

I just dont understand. Friday she was happy, laughing, high and just having a great day. Why? Saturday, she...just...

Why didnt she call me sooner?

WHy didnt she call Carolyn?

Why didnt I call her that morning?

Why??????????

God, this is so hard. There is so much I want to say but don't know where to start. there is so much I want to tell her. She was the only one I could really talk to. She was my BEST friend. I cant get her back. I need her so much.

TO Natalie: You were the greatest friend. Beautiful, funny, outgoing, smart, and the life of the party. I just wanna see your face, hear your laugh. I am so mad and sad that you are gone. But I am soo blessed to have known you as long as I did. We always say that 'we lost a friend, but heaven gained in angel' and you know what? you are the best damn agel heaven has ever seen. I can only hope that you have hot guys (Just not Jason..he's mine :]), warm weather, and lotsa green :p!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you Pop star! Everyone does. We all miss you soo much. I think about you a lot..I hate that you planned it. you even requested those songs to be played at your funeral, they were. I havent listened to those songs since your funeral.

:[

So I have finally tried to put a pony tail on Bella's head! and guess what it worked!!!! only problem is....the girl keeps pullin it out..grrrr......but last night I gave her a bath and actually really realized how curly her hair is! but by the end of the day, with hats, naps, and brushing....her hair flattens out and isnt soo curly..lucky girl!

Owen recently got a wooden horsey. Bella HATES THIS THING!! she cries when ever I try to put her on it..or if it is even near her..LMFAO!!! Owen loves it tho. I had to feed him on it the other night. He is sooo cute with it.....this morning when he got up. He was sitting on it and he poked the eyes of the horse and then fell off of it...hmmm...maybe the horse didnt like it's eyes being poked out hahahaha!!!

Heather

It has been a crazy week with this girl!! but I can't say I hated it. Normally I am not a mushy gushy kinda gal..sooo let's just blame it on the hormones!

Friday afternoon I got a picture text..open it up and see a sticky note "I have my eye on you"..what the hell??? who is following me? I look at the number and I see 618..Sara?? no numbers dont match...Who else could it be? Heather?

So I go and ask her. I get a "nope. what are you talking about?"...Laugh becuase I know it is her... ahh the game starts here. I text the mystery person. EEEPP!! It isnt Heather like I thought. It is "Paul", The gay hubby chaser. So wanting to talk to the man who is wanting to get with my husband, I call the number..only to get hung up on GRRRRR!!!!!!! Of course I start to get a bit worked up...but my favorite sister tries to calm me down.

Just as I am about to tear into Riley.. Paul calls me, something musta been wrong with Paul cuz he has a woman's voice. Oy, I was soooo confuzzled!!!

All my confusion was pushed away when the voice said "I SOO GOT YOU!"

What a brat! It was Heather! What a sneaky meanie!!!! Even though I was about ready to reach through the phone...I was relieved to know that gay Paul wasn't real...That wasnt even the best part....I got to talk to Heather!! That was sooo awesome. Plus I got to hear Sara in the background talking about hmmm guess what.....ICE CREAM lololol...


So then of course my first thought was ..I am SO gonna get her back. Well I came up with the perfect idea. I am going to ______ Heather a _______.. I have a ton of ideas and can't wait to start making them happen....


________________________________________________________

And I know that everyone is kinda upset and mad about what happened between me and Riley. The only thing I can really say is we are working through it.

See Heather I swore...oops I mean promised i would tell you when something happens :]

anyway..I wont say not to worry because well, that wont make you all not worry. Truth is I am worried. But hey, like i said working on it!! lololol

Anyway..Thanks everyone for helping me today...and all the other times I have needed it.


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